Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week
Tue, Sep 18, 2012 1:00 PM EDT - The Onion 2:07
The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Sarasota, Florida where it’s partly cloudy and 84 degrees; Louise Covert, 79, is dead from complications with diabetes; conditions will feel muggy with 80 percent humidity and oh, 98-year-olds Jimmy Scoggins just died of natural causes. April Matthews, and Hank Thompson, both 88, both just died. And expect cloudy skies on Tuesday.